


Again

by i_heart_danchou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2020-09-30 21:23:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20453777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_heart_danchou/pseuds/i_heart_danchou
Summary: Levi grumbled to himself as the sunlight broke through the windows and onto his face.  Erwin was dead, he was in no fucking mood to face the day at this point.“Mm… morning, Levi.”Levi shot up in the bed at that, recoiling from the impossible voice.  No.  His eyes were as wide as they’d ever been, staring in disbelief at Erwin fucking Smith lying in the bed next to him.  “Erwin??”  He managed, pulling the blanket back to get a better look at him.  “No.  No it’s not possible.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is for the eruriweek day 7 Timeloop! This one is deeeeeefinitely going to end up a multi chapter fic. So it’s a bit of a cliffhanger here, but I don’t want to rush this one.

The final battle, the last showdown, humanity’s best chance to take back Maria and save themselves from untimely extinction.   
  
Levi stuck as close to Erwin as he could. Erwin grounded him, gave him strength and clarity, made it easier for him to fight.   
  
The armored titan showed himself, the colossal titan showed himself, the beast titan showed himself. The survey corps was fractured, terrified, almost certain to die… all Levi could hear were screams and splintering stones, all he could taste was blood and fear in the air.   
  
They were fucked, and Erwin, for one brief moment faltered.   
  
The details weren’t important. In the end Erwin stood tall and lead the greatest charge in recorded history— he was brave, he fell, he bled to death on a roof and Levi stayed with him because there was no other choice. 

He could barely sleep that night. A fractured, shard of a man haunted by his choices and his memories. Huddled up in the corner of Erwin’s room, avoiding the bed, avoiding anything that smelled or felt like the commander, Levi shut his eyes.

**

Levi grumbled to himself as the sunlight broke through the windows and onto his face. Erwin was dead, he was in no fucking mood to face the day at this point.

“Mm… morning, Levi.” 

Levi shot up in the bed at that, recoiling from the impossible voice. No. His eyes were as wide as they’d ever been, staring in disbelief at Erwin fucking Smith lying in the bed next to him. “Erwin??” He managed, pulling the blanket back to get a better look at him. “No. No it’s not possible.”

Erwin looked quite confused at this point, and offered a wary smile to his partner. “What isn’t?”

“You— you died yesterday. The beast titan killed you, it—“ He put his hand on Erwin’s heart. It was beating, his skin was warm… what the hell…?

“Beast titan? Levi did you have a bad dream?”

“Shit. No. …maybe. What day is it?”

“We’re going to take back Wall Maria today.” Erwin informed him, obviously a little concerned. “We can talk about this later.”

Levi watched Erwin get dressed and rubbed the back of his head. A dream? How could it have been a dream if… it all seemed so fucking real. Erwin had been torn apart, he’d bled to death in front of him, he’d made peace with his demons but… maybe not?

Levi decided to ignore the dream as much as he could and followed Erwin down to breakfast. But… everything was playing out just as it had the day before— their meal was the same, there was the same chip in his glass, Connie made the same stupid joke… was it real? Had this all happened already?

Levi had always trusted Erwin’s intelligence over his own, but certainly stranger things had happened than…. than what, replaying out the same day again? The day of Erwin’s death?

He reached over and tugged at Erwin’s sleeve. 

“Erwin. We should abort the plan. It’s all going to be fucked up, it won’t work.”

Erwin gave him an incredulous look and shook his head. “We can’t give up now, Levi. We’ve worked so hard, we’ve come so close. Why are you saying this now?”

Levi was panicking. There was no way Erwin was going to believe him… what, that he had lived this day already? Seen Erwin die? It was so absurd, Erwin would never believe him in a million years. 

“Because you’re a fucking wounded soldier and you’ve got no place on the battlefield. You can’t go, Erwin. We can’t lose you, it’s too fucked up.”

Erwin looked tired. “Levi… we’ve been over this. I have to be there when we find the truth out. Please don’t take this from me.”

The image of Erwin on the crate came unbidden to Levi’s mind… his last moments of desperation, how miserable he was, how he rode out to his death without ever having achieved his dreams. “You’ll never get to see the basement if you’re dead, Erwin. Please. Please. I’ve never fucking asked you for anything before Erwin, I’ve always done whatever you needed. Please.”

Levi imagined that he looked fucking desperate, certainly Erwin was looking at him with something disgustingly close to pity in his eyes. 

“I…” Erwin ran a hand through his hair. “Levi I…” He sighed. “This isn’t like you.”

“I know. But I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need this. I need you to fucking live.”

~

Levi was reasonably confident he would be able to achieve the same outcome that Erwin had. He knew what was going to happen, he knew how fucked they were going to be, and he knew that at the end of the day they captured the colossal titan, reclaimed wall Maria, and solved the mysteries of the world. 

Everything played out the same way it had the day before… Reiner fought Eren, the Beast titan trapped them… it was okay, Levi knew what to do. 

“You guys have to charge at the beast titan.” He explained to the new recruits. “Just ride at him. I’ll kill it while it’s distracted.”

But Levi didn’t have Erwin’s charisma, and it wasn’t long before cracks started to show in the new recruit’s resolve. They weren’t inspired, enthralled, or brave in this moment. They didn’t believe that their deaths had meaning. One broke away from formation, then another, then another. They scattered as the stones came down around them, and screamed as they were torn to shreds anyway. 

The beast titan saw him before he got the chance to attack, and easily crushed him with a stone from about 400 yards away. Levi’s last thoughts were of Erwin, and how disappointed he would be.

**

He woke up with a gasp and stared at his hands. No blood. No pain, he was whole and… he turned to the side, Erwin was nestled up beside him and sleeping peacefully. Erwin was safe. What the fuck. What the actual fuck. 

He hugged Erwin awake and buried his face in Erwin’s neck. “I hate you.” He grumbled. 

“Mm. Love you too, Levi.” Erwin said sleepily. “What’s the matter?”

They were in the same outfits, the same bed, the fucking clouds were in the same position… it was that last day again, again!

Fuck. What the fuck was happening. “Nothing. Everything is great.” 

He was unusually quiet as they ate breakfast together, and perhaps Erwin attributed it to nerves. Why was this happening? Why did he keep having to relive this horrible day? Was… was it because he’d made the wrong choice? Was there a perfect ending to be had?

He subconsciously put his hand to his chest, where he was hiding the precious box and syringe. Maybe… maybe he should give Erwin the injection after all. 

Erwin’s titan would be magnificent, a sight to behold, an incredible fucking force. He’d surely, surely be able to save humanity then but… Levi had let Erwin die for a reason, dammit. He didn’t want Erwin to be a monster. He deserved better. 

“Erwin?” He said eventually. “If… it comes down to it, and I have to use this injection on you, what would you think?”

“If I’m badly wounded, and we have a titan shifter incapacitated, then of course I would accept that responsibility Levi. Don’t worry about that.”

“But would you… hate it?”

Erwin seemed surprised at the question. “It would be an adjustment, I suppose. I could do a lot of good for humanity.”

“That’s a political answer.” Levi said brusquely. “I want to know what you really feel.”

“I… I’m not sure.” Erwin looked tired. “Whatever happens, Levi, I don’t want you to hesitate.”

~  
  
It wasn’t long before Erwin was sprawled out before him once more, bleeding out on the rooftop. Eren went through the motions once more; he and Mikasa fought him for the injection, are soundly defeated, and Levi stood above Erwin with the needle in his hand. It was a shame about Armin but... saving Armin hadn’t worked.

“I’m sorry, Erwin.” He said quietly, rolling up his sleeve for a second time. “I have to get this right.”

Erwin tried to wrench his arm away, but Levi was ready for him this time. Levi kept himself steady when the needle pierced Erwin’s skin, but flinched when he heard a soft little voice coming from his commander.   
  
“Don’t…”

“I’m sorry.” Levi repeated, pushing the plunger down as fast as he could. Erwin’s body seized up as the serum ran through him, his wound bleeding fresh as his body contracted. His titan was… repulsive. All of the simple titans were, but somehow this bastard version of Erwin was the worst of all of them. His eyes were stupid and bulging, his gut hanging over his flattened groin, his hair a messy nest that would have made Erwin sick. There was nothing of Erwin in this creature, none of the intelligence or beauty that made him so admirable. Levi felt nauseated.

The titan’s body jiggled as it stumbled across the ground, grasping blindly and trying to take Bertholt into his mouth. Levi couldn’t tear his eyes away as Erwin’s teeth bore into the child’s skull, and sped towards him as soon as the transformation began anew.

Erwin was… he was whole, he was breathing, he was golden and beautiful and he had two arms and…. fuck! Levi nearly collapsed running to him, cradling him in his arms and whispering in his ear that it was going to be okay.

“I’ve got you.” He whispered. “I’ve got you. You’re safe, Erwin. We can see the basement now.”

“No.” Eren’s voice was cold and distant. “You can’t.” 

Levi seldom let his guard down, but he could hardly be blamed for allowing his jubilation at Erwin being alive and whole from distracting him for a moment. There was a sickening squelching sound and he looked down at his shirt. The distal tip of Eren’s blade was sticking out of his chest, and his blood was soaking his uniform.

“Fuck.”

**  
Levi's eyes shot open and he clutched at his chest. He was whole. Erwin was with him. Fuck, fuck, not again. 


	2. chapter 2

The next morning it happened again. Levi awoke with a gasp, clutching his chest, and immediately reached out for Erwin beside him. Fuck. Fuck. What was he doing wrong??  
  
He kept quiet about it once more, wondering just how the fuck he was supposed to make this eternal misery come to an end. He couldn’t keep doing this. He couldn’t bear to do this for the rest of eternity, it was worse than any hell he could possibly imagine.  
  
He listened once more to Erwin’s heart breaking as he realized his dream would never come true. As he asked Levi to kill the beast titan, as he signed his own damn death warrant.   
“You take down the beast titan, Levi. Please.”  
  
Levi looked up at Erwin and shook his head. “No, Erwin. He doesn’t matter. None of this matters. I won’t be able to take him down by myself, he’ll get away, it’ll all be for nothing.”  
  
Erwin looked surprised. “…What do you suggest?”  
  
“Let me die with you. We can charge him at least. We can distract him enough for the kids to take down their fucking titans and make a damn break for it. Eren’ll be fine. We’re all fucked, we might as well go down together.”  
  
They made the announcement to the troops and mounted their horses. Levi stayed at Erwin’s right side and rode as close to him as he could.   
  
“I love you.” He whispered, but surely Erwin didn’t hear him. The stones were excruciating as they tore through Levi’s flesh, but he was glad, in a way, that both he and Erwin were struck at the same time. Their horses collapsed, they fell together, and Levi used what little strength he had left to move to Erwin and hold him in their last moments together.  
  
“Erwin?” Levi whispered. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
Erwin was breathing but couldn’t respond. It didn’t matter, at least they were together.   
  
Levi heard some footsteps squelching in the mud and cast a wary eye up at that soldier with the horrible hair who had been having a breakdown earlier. That… Floch was looking at Erwin, watching him breathe.   
  
“He’s still alive?” The cadet muttered to himself. “And you are too? Shit. There is no fucking justice.”   
  
Levi was too weak to resist as Floch flipped him over and rolled him away from Erwin. He raised his arms in mild protest as the boy shoved his hand into his coat and grabbed the box with the serum inside.   
  
“No.” Levi muttered. “Please, no.”  
  
“Commander…?” Floch sneered. “You’re not getting away that easily. Let’s hope Eren got us a shifter, eh?”  
  
Levi could only look on as Floch strapped Erwin to his back. The commander groaned in pain, reached his hand out and… “Levi…”  
  
“Erwin— please—!”   
  
His vision was getting blurry and his strength was fading fast. “Erwin…”  
  
He bled out in the mud, and knew no more.  
  
**  
  
No. Fuck no, fucking no fucking way was Erwin getting turned into a titan like that. Maybe… maybe he was overthinking it. The day would likely play over and over until he got it right, right?  
  
Erwin had to live. That much was a given. They both had to live or this was never, ever going to end. The day played out once more, but it wasn’t getting any easier to bear.   
  
“Eren.” He demanded, blood dripping from his face. “Give me all your gas and blades. Quickly!”   
  
The boy nervously complied, and Levi shoved the syringe box against his chest. “Save Armin.” He muttered, his face barely shifting when Floch made his appearance with Erwin on his back.   
  
“Give him to me.” Levi demanded, leaving no room for any argument. “I’m going to get help, give him to me.”   
  
The enemy was on the run, he just… he had to hurry.   
  
“But captain— the injection, you could—“ Floch was incredulous.  
  
“He doesn’t need it. Armin’s hurt worse, Erwin can survive. He’s stronger than anyone, believe in him, dammit. Give him to me.”   
  
He didn’t stumble when nearly just over 200 pounds of dead weight was strapped to his back. Levi squeezed Erwin’s hand and took off, flying through the air as fast as his gear could carry him. “Please…” He whispered, “please, hang on.”   
  
He ran out of gas maybe two miles away from Maria. Erwin’s body had made the journey a lot less efficient than it would have been otherwise. “Erwin… Erwin I’m sorry.” He was mournful, there was nothing more he could do.  
  
Erwin’s head flopped to one side, his eyes open and fixed… his lips were cold and blue. His blood had soaked through Levi’s uniform, had cooled, had dried, and was now flaking away as Levi moved.   
  
“…Erwin?” Levi’s voice was a whisper.   
  
Somewhere in transit Erwin Smith had bled to death. Levi hadn’t… he hadn’t even noticed. Fuck. FUCK!   
  
His scream sent birds scattering from the trees, and he let Erwin’s body down onto the grass. His bandage had shifted, his intestines spilling out onto the earth.   
  
No. No no no not again.   
  
“One more try, Erwin.” Levi muttered, putting his signal gun against his temple. “I’ll get it right, just wait.”  
  
**  
  
His eyes snapped open and he covered his face with his hands. There was no other way, then. Without the injection, Erwin would die.   
  
Okay, that was fine. Levi could work with that. Obviously it had gone tits up last time but… he knew Eren. There… there had to be a way to make the boy see reason. Make it so that he’d be okay with the decision.   
  
Erwin made his appearance on that fucking rooftop and Levi reached out and touched Eren’s forearm. “I know it sucks. I know it fucking sucks. Armin’s brilliant, he’s an asset to humanity, and I hate that it’s fucking coming down to this. But Erwin is the right choice, Eren. He’s got the experience, the charisma, the talent, the smarts… I know you love your friend. I know you know the pain of loss but… please.” He lowered his head with respect. “Please. Don’t fight me on this.”  
  
There was still a struggle, but Levi resisted the urge to knock Eren’s teeth out of his mouth. He kept a steady hand on the syringe box and looked Eren in the eye. “Eren.”   
  
Without Eren being wounded, Mikasa didn’t launch her attack. She wept, but she didn’t scream.   
  
Eren’s intense eyes shifted between his friend and the commander… Armin was in agony, Erwin’s breathing was getting more and more shallow.   
  
Hanji spoke. Floch spoke. Eren saw reason and stepped back, cradling his friend with Mikasa through his last, horrific moments.   
  
The needle pierced Erwin’s skin and he saw a whisper of blood sneak back into the hub of the syringe. “I’ve got you, Erwin. It’s gonna be okay.”  
  
~  
  
He watched once more as Erwin’s disgusting titan ate Bertholt, and once more he ran to his commander when the smoke had settled. He was whole, he was breathing, he was pink faced and as beautiful as Levi had ever seen him.   
  
“Levi…?” Erwin managed, watching his hands tear away from the muscle of his titan. “Oh…”  
  
Erwin slipped into unconsciousness and Levi stood by him the whole time. He was a ball of nervous energy. Had it worked? Would he finally be free of this curse?  
  
In time Erwin sat up and stared at his hands. His _hands_. “The basement.” He said immediately. “Please.”  
  
Eren was miserable but, thankfully, not furious. They made their way down to his old house and fumbled their way into the basement. It took some time, but gradually they found Dr. Jaeger’s three volumes that held the truth of the universe inside of them.   
  
Erwin touched the tomes with reverence, his eyes darting over the pages as he hungrily tried to take in all the information. “Yes.” He whispered. “Yes, yes yes.”  
  
Levi looked up at him. “What? What does it mean?”  
  
“There’s a whole world out there, Levi.” He rubbed his right wrist. “And they want us dead.”   
  
~  
  
Erwin was nearly silent as they made the journey back to Sina. His eyes were forward, his jaw was tight, his whole body was tense.   
  
They arrived at the gate and people were keeping a distance from him. There were whispers— he grew his arm back like a lizard— a monster, a demon, a body to match his wicked soul. No one would get near enough to touch him.   
  
He spoke formally to the queen, to the press, and informed everyone of what had transpired. There was a great cheer and a celebration was ordered but…   
  
“No, that’s not appropriate at this time.” He said matter of factly. “We lost nearly the entire survey corps this morning. An appropriate period of grieving and respect is in order, I think. Excuse me.”  
  
Levi followed him to his quarters, eyes wary, movements silent.   
  
He watched Erwin move to his private bathroom and empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. His whole body heaved as he vomited, his hair falling out of place and his eyes watering. He stared into the bowl and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “How strange.” He muttered. “No human remains.”   
  
Erwin moved to the sink and rinsed his mouth out, grasping the white ceramic with both hands when he finished. His head hung low, his shoulders were tense, and his body was shaking.   
  
“Erwin?” Levi approached him from behind and touched his back.   
  
In the mirror, Erwin’s eyes were bloodshot and sunken. He took a long, shuddering breath and brushed past his partner, taking a few moments to compose himself.   
  
“Erwin.” Levi repeated, his anxiety making his patience wear thin. This wasn’t like Erwin, it just… wasn’t.   
  
The commander sat down on the bed and removed his bolo tie, staring at it for a beat as though he might toss it away, then closing his fist over the cool green stone and bringing it to his chest. “Dammit.”   
  
Levi knelt before Erwin and looked up at him. “Tell me what’s in that head of yours.” He demanded, touching Erwin’s knee. “Erwin.”  
  
“He was right. My father was right about everything. He died for telling the truth.” Erwin laughed and it was hollow. “And now… a whole world of humans to fight still. A battle that will probably never end. Truth… understanding. It was everything I ever wanted.”  
  
Levi’s eyes were wide as he watched his commander crumble.   
  
“Everything I ever wanted.” He repeated, putting his head in his hands.   
  
Levi stepped away, shaking his head. For fuck’s sake, what had he done?   
  
“Thirteen years.” Erwin shook his head.   
  
Thirteen years of carrying this burden, the weight of his guilt, his comrades’ blood. Thirteen years of fighting, of being a weapon, a monster, of being unable to fucking rest. And then… at the end of it all, chained up, eaten alive… a never ending cycle of evil.   
  
“Erwin?” Levi cupped Erwin’s face with his hand, and Erwin’s blue eyes met his. “I’m going to fix this, okay? It’s my fault and I’m sorry.”  
  
“…What are you talking about?” Erwin sounded so, so exhausted.   
  
Levi pressed a kiss to his temple and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Just rest, Erwin. I love you.”   
  
In a different frame of mind, Erwin might have followed Levi up to the roof. But right now Erwin was broken, and Levi used that to his advantage. He made his way to the highest tower and opened a window, shutting his eyes for a moment against the soft breeze.   
  
“One more time.” He whispered, his boot scraping against the stones as he defenestrated himself. He tried to land head first so he would break his neck. His body crashed into the earth with a crunch, and the world went black.


End file.
